Prose Poem: The Lure of Depression

Yes, we talk about the pain and suffering of depression (rightly so!), and we ignore the allure of this deadly disease because we don’t want to tempt anyone. We don’t want it to look like we’re encouraging people to have a deadly disease. But what happens if we don’t talk about it? How can anyone understand it? I mean, there’s this giant monster sort of hanging around threatening you for days, months, or years, and you stay busy to ignore it. And one day you just say, “Go on then.,” and you get a big hug. You just disappear in there. You’re lost in the warm embrace of infinite apathy. Nothing matters anymore. The cruel family members, indifferent friends, soul-crushing job all just become indistinct parts of a distant life that no longer has any bearing on you. You don’t care whether you live or die, and that’s the scary part. At least it’s scary for other people. You don’t care. This is why someone told me my depression was a “luxury.” I was luxuriating in dissociation and alienation. I was there and not there and couldn’t be reached. And being out of reach has distinct advantages. When you are no longer of the world, the world has no power. What will it take to bring you home?

2 thoughts on “Prose Poem: The Lure of Depression

  1. Colin Hill 07/01/2020 / 9:10 am

    When I realised I had lost all my anger I knew I was in trouble. As you stated – I was luxuriating in dissociation and alienation. But now the anger is back I’m having to deal with that despite being in a much better place overall. How do we stay engaged without being dragged down again? Sharing our mental health worries on social media, through poetry for example, runs the risk of us luxuriating in our own and other people’s depressive thoughts. I’m doubtful this collective outpouring is actually doing society any good, for the reasons you mention. Depression has most definitely become a marketable commodity – and WordPress most likely makes much of its revenue from it. Thoughtful piece of writing Randy. Thanks for posting.

    • R. Horton 07/01/2020 / 10:29 am

      Thanks, Colin. There is kind of a catch 22 between creating a community and creating a market. Great comment.

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