Christmas Rap (#poem, sort of)

I’m sure you can tell I’m

Part of the hip-hop community

So I take every opportunity

To spit rhymes like a hot tap

Gushing cheer in a Christmas rap.

When the weather is cold,

When the weather is hot

My generosity never stops.

I keep giving without a pause.

They should call me Santa Claus.

What? Don ‘t know who I’m talking about?

Then you can give Father Christmas a shout.

I’m so jolly in this season of folly,

And I’m as comfy as a teddy bear dolly.

I’ve got eyes that twinkle and a smile that shines,

I like reindeer, but I’ll never have nine.

I admit I don’t have a sleigh,

But I think my Bentley will take me all the way.

I’d fly around the world, but I’m afraid of heights.

So I might just hover, and it could take two nights.

Still, I like to see smiles on all the girls and boys.

If I had elves to build them, I’d give away all the toys.

I’d love to break into strangers’ houses,

Eat free biscuits with all those silent mouses.

There’s nothing creepy about having me in your home,

You told your kids to write me letters and stay in bed when I roam.

Everyone is so trusting, and all seems good and right.

We’re filled with love, and the spirit takes flight.

So, merry Christmas to all and to all good night.

Christmas Advice for Nonbelievers (#poem)

You’re not a believer

And Christmas isn’t for you

But you can enjoy

The festive season, too.

Your whole season

Doesn’t have to be wrecked

Just focus on all the

Commercial aspects.

You don’t have to be spiritual

To enjoy lots of useless tat.

Or flashing lights, tinsel and all that.

And there’s no reason

You can’t have lots of treats, puddings

and sweets, or just an excuse to overeat.

If that’s not your thing,

There’s still plenty of cheer.

Have an eggnog or vodka

Or plenty of beer.

Just be as naughty as you like.

And promise to be better in the new year.